April 4, 2004

Hares: Bonkers & Phart

Hashers: Golden Showers, Frogspawn, GoodCrack, Birdie, TwoJugs, Oral Sox, RoadKill, Deepshaft, Black Widow, ET and the late Barbie

It was a blowy snowy Sunday in Niagara - Phart said he had six inches in Niagara, and ET would have been happy for that but we had to crawl out of our cozy comfortable lair, because Bonkers was banging the door, anxious to drop his seed on trail. By the time we all got to Steel City, heavenly Helios was brightening our path with its wan rays, giving at least the impression if not the reality of vernal warmth. In which hashers were basking, while awaiting the return of hare Phart, who took a long time to investigate comfort stations along the way. In the interim ET taught Roadkill some useful Latin phrases, and called Frogspawn “Frogsperm”, ipso facto idem ditto all the same to me.

Finally the Phartman returns, and after the requisite circle-upping and the late arrival of one Barbie, we take off through Gore Park, where we stumble upon the Robbie Burns bust, making this location a potential re-visit site for the annual Scottish Bard Hash, although it is unlikely that good Scotch can be found in a lunchbucket and beer town, the proletarian nature of which was clearly evident in the subsequent course through sleazy back alleys and slum-like streets. But the magnificent gold-leafed onion dome spires of St. George the Most Orthodox Church were glowing in the distance to lead us along the righteous and truthful path, right into Ivor Wynne (I never win) Football Stadium - a big dead end for hashers as well as for football fans, although we were shown Barbie’s Season’s seats. So on we go from bad back streets to nicer neighbourhoods, with loverly homes and spring flowers raising their dainty heads,(heads? who said heads?) although an outbreak of nouveau riche Big Kitsch was evident in more than one mansion along the way. And on and on we go along the bottom of the escarpment, full well knowing that the farther out we go, the longer this will take, but finally we are Up on the Mount, with a fantastic vista of said Steel Town. Phart being gimpy and Bonkers also not up to snuff, the descent back to Gore Park was not too tricky, and we finally get back to where we began, munching chips and cookies until it is time for the down downs, administered by PT GM Black Widow

Downdown starts for the Hares for a Hash that was beer naked, too short and did not have enough snow.

Downdowns for all those who peed on trail: Bonkers, Birdie, GoodCrack, ET, and TwoJugs, who gets the actual “I peed on Trail” award - a bit of homespun handiwork toiletroll on a rack lovingly carved and assembled by Barbie for perpetual circulation amongst those with urinary incontinence.

Deep Shaft gets prick of the week award for laziness

Backsliders - ET/Phart/Roadkill/Bonkers

Front Running Bastard was TwoJugs, a first and probably a last in his lifetime unless there is a hash of one

Frogspawn was accused of engineering on trail since he made a Bailey bridge across some creek

Phart & Frogspawn were castigated for using geek names

Then there were downdowns for those Finding stuff on trail:

GoodCrack found some spectacles which disingenuously made her look intelligent

Birdie found her marbles - but hatless was accused she looked like a cockatoo, which led Phart to wistfully remark that she would not mind a cockortwo?

The On-on-after site was not well researched - the first place we stopped at only served beer, not food. It was not clear that everyone knew at which joint we ended up, because by the time we reached an establishment that served both food and beer, the group had dwindled greatly. Nevertheless we were served nice proletarian family style food, big burgers and chips and liver and onions. Capitalist discussions about the pitfalls of banking ensued (is there a point in counting the money that comes out of the machine?), and after a lively and intelligent conversation (Huh???), the crowd went on on home.

On-on! Reported by E.T.