Oakville Hash House Harriers

Second Hand Hash - April 25, 1999
Well, Wee Willy went and lost his wench and decided he wouldn’t do his designated Hash. Take a word from the wise, Willy: being yanked off by a woman is one thing, but being yanked around is wasteful. And if you can’t get your pre-positions right, how can your willy get the in-positions right? Talking about positions, thus it came to pass that at the last minute those eternal lovebirds, Lovebite and Glow-worm got to do it. (The Hash, that is) And a laudable and passable effort it was; but how come all trails went uphill, except for the final stampede down at the end, where we could really make a go for it, except we had to pee. Sticking close to the haress seemed a good strategy, especially on those parallel trails, some being more parallel than others. Some frustrated hashers on the second parallel, noting the shortness of the first parallel, decided to jump the fence and it was astutely noted that the parallel position has done in quite a few. So after a relatively short run through streets and parks (where the first buttery-yellow coltsfoot of the year was identified by yours truly the part-time botanist) this very lacklustre bunch ended back in the parking lot to do down-downs, and let’s face it: isn’t that the main reason that us hashers run around on these hash events, just so that we can hurry back for down-downs and see how many free beers we can snoggle up in 10 minutes? Freeeee???? Hah!! Who awaited us in her chariot, with accounting ledger and stretched out palm? Well, damn if it wasn’t Icecold, who didn’t bother to run, but didn’t shy away from bothering us with her demands for money. So here we had Roadkill administering libations, not knowing the difference between winching and wenching and letting Cougar have it for paying up his dues to Icecold. These musta been eNORmous dues to be notable among a team of laggards. The feral fiend also got flogged for suggesting a re-christening without permission from the Pope, i.e. to change a lass’s name from knickerbocker baby to short&curly, well the jury is still out on that. The usual down-down for Glow-worm who got harassed about his inadequacies in leaving his markings. Well, he DID lead us past Monica’s real estate sign, which said that she Blewit. I think it was another ad for her book, but after all, we knew it that she blew it, and what else is there that we did not already see on TV. And a special tribute to Phart who just turned the half-century, splendiforously & liquidly celebrated the night before, in which festivity more hashers could have participated had they known what was going on but due to the fact that they don’t and a possible communications shortage from ET only a few hashers attended but those absent got punished with leftover cake since ET didn’t want to EAT it anymore. Freddy’s was the next watering stop for those without a real life social or otherwise, where wings and beer were extremely cheap and reruns of the Great One’s goodbye interminable. It was noted that there was "Something about Judy"... since she sported the same upstanding cowlick as Mary in the movie. Hmmm, in the parking lot? Fast going Glow-worm, but then maybe you are. (Let me know if you get this very obtuse reference!) So 10,000 calories and unmentionable cholesterol levels later, we all rolled into the parking lot, past two drunks fighting, and off home we went.

Goodnight!