Feb 2, 2003

The Oakville Ground Hog Day Hash

Hare : Birdie

If we can see our shadows we will have 8 more beers to drink.

And so it begins...our Ground Hog Day Hash.

The gathering of hashers is a slow arduous ordeal. Punctuality is lost on all but a few. We straggle into the parking lot of the Royal Botanical Gardens careful to leave uncovered the spot where the hare had drawn the starting circle . We wait for the all-important drey...and we wait and we wait. He pulls into the parking lot and parks...you guessed it...right over top of the circle. Sigh. Well at least he brought the beer.

After a lengthy period of complete chaos, which includes a Chinese fire drill, the Grand Mistress tries to command something even resembling control, is mildly successful and the chalk talk begins.

The hare does her best imitation of a Jedi Knight as she wields her chalk vessel only to discover there is no more chalk in it. She gets E for effort. We are told there will be a hot chocolate/schnapps stop. We drool at the thought. Copulate wonders aloud if there is any chocolate sex on trail. Two Jugs pipes up with the offer to oblige saying he could stand the pain if Copulate could stand the smell. Copulate regretfully declines.

On that note.we’re off. It was a warm sunny day by recent standards and this provided lots of opportunity to enjoy the scenery and observe the wildlife. Two Jugs spots a Hairy Woodpecker. Made ya look. It was just a hasher pissing in the woods.

Birdie does a grand job of keeping the pack together, aided unintentionally but the half-wit Dead End and all the other half wits who believe her when she comes back from true trail saying there were no more marks in that direction. Someone finally goes back to check and finds the clearly marked trail that Dead End claimed did not exist. Dead End is in front again, she sees and arrow proclaims it an F and turns back. Copulate feels compelled to ask her what school of the gifted she went to. ...No reply was forthcoming.

Bum Steer decides to scale the escarpment and presents a fine silhouette against the darkening sky running alone along the railway tracks. Does this count as a shadow? Is there more beer? God I hope so.

We get to a two way. Bum Steer goes one way...Dead End goes the other...what to do...what to do. They are both hopeless. While the rest of us gather to decide what to do..I notice the hare going straight and point it out to Just Ken. Where? He says...right there I say...OH she took her hat off and I didn’t even recognize her he says. It gives me great comfort to know that our Peel’s finest possess such keen observation skills.

The run finally ends. We crack open the beer. The cops (obviously graduates of the same school of detection as Just Ken) pass within three feet of the case of beer on Bum Steer’s truck and all the hashers standing around with beer bottles in their hands. We’re drinking Lucky Beer...so it would seem...he doesn’t stop.

Down downs

Birdie gets one for being the hare of course.

Just Ken gets one for erasing marks on trail. (Good Grief two Bettes’ in the same hash...Lord help us all)

Two Jugs for peeing on trail

Canoodler for bashing without hashing

Dead End for not being able to read marks properly (although I suspect she may have just been trying to lure a certain other hasher into the woods for some frolicking)

Birdie receives a down down for not actually having the hot chocolate / schnapps stop until the run is over.

Bum Steer gets one for making something cum on trail. (He so wishes but alas it was only the train)

Copulate for ...get this...chivalry of all things. He actually received the titanic version of a down down since the vessel contained huge chunks of ice of questionable colour floating in the beer. Didn’t his mother ever tell him not to eat yellow snow?

We think we catch a glimpse of his long johns peaking through his tear away jogging pants but no we are corrected ...that is his natural leg colour...we shield our eyes.

Circle declared closed...we drive over to Gator Ted’s to throw food and steal glasses. Copulate plays cupid and sets the waitress up with Bum Steer. Perhaps his arrow went astray and would account for the leg rubbing going on elsewhere at the table.

All in all a shitty run, can’t wait for next week.

ON ON

HandJob