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Phart's Chili & Casino Run at the Falls
Hash November 15, 1998
And a chilly day it was; the fact that some idiot had to take a leak in the
woods and parked way at the end of the Marineland lot didn't help, because sheep
as they are, all hashers parked next to him but giving a few more of us a chance
to water before the Falls. Once again Phart didn't know you have to lick my
batteries to gets things flashing, so the first shot was fuzzy but our next
group photo shows the whole group of mammals ready to roar. First down the hill
slipping and sliding towards the famous Falls, and a quick tour of the
Greenhouse which gave us another chance at the toilets. Although we did see the
bananas, glass-encased hummingbirds were hard to spot, so off we went along the
falls, jostling the usual tourists, and Phart grabbing Grandmistress (impeached
since then) but no one jumped over the falls. So we had to find our excitement
in the casino, not looking any different than the tracksuit crowd jingling the
slots except we didn't smoke. And now the odds: of the 16 people who blew their
token wad in the machine, there was only one lucky winner: Menu who scored ten
but loonies, not grand. Well, she had to make up for it, since the uphill climb
certainly was no prize. So in and outa voluntary tax grab mecca in a flash,
crossing the extremely tacky Clifton Hill and tourist hordes, slithering along
the Skylon tower, on and on and on we went, as mentioned that parking lot was
damn big. A couple of down-downs, but I forget for whom the plunger tolled,
Phart more than likely, and then on to the Chili and drinking part. The nurse
had to leave for a serious case, but then we had Scewbic’s Heirs who had their
doubts about eating chili at Phart's house. I think it is here where we first
experienced Two-Jug's breadmaking talent, and we have been plagued with it ever
since. So the pot of beans scraped to the bottom, but for once WE didn't have to
jump in the chariot to take us home: youze guys were the sluts on the highway
for a change.... After the AGM
So then it was decided, with the usual vote for those who
aren't there trick, that E.T. would be appointed and anointed as your Hash
Scribe. Well, an excellent choice, I'd say, since I seem to be the only one with
a literary talent, the rest of youze guys being plodders, chuggers and sloggers,
and don't seem to be able to turn anything out but phonelists, and some of the
numbers wrong at that. Oh yes, there are some other penlickkers in the group,
but part-time hashers only, and tending to flaunt their talent in books, boxes
full of which now make excellent wall decorations. Well, so I've been accused of
not putting out enough! What else is new, but you will agree that as usual it
was worth the wait, say what, guys! You will appreciate the fact, that although
a classicist by trade, and certainly being imbued with the necessary talent, I
can't keep up with literary luminaries such as Voltaire, who wrote twenty-four
12-page letters/day, and Madame de Sévigny, who wrote her daughter tres in diem
about the salon scène, because these guys did not have any real jobs, and had
french maids to even wipe their ass. La petite moi au contraire has a day-job, a
night-job (just call me Madam Chairman), a house to keep, a Phart-job, or should
that be a blow-job, I guess it depends on the mood, and his underwear to iron,
but only the silk ones with the teddybears. So you see, time is scarce, but as
Yasser Arafat said: I can promise a 100% effort, but I can't promise a 100%
result. And now a few rules, before you start harassing and haranguing me:
I can only report on the hash where I was, even though I could make it up; so if
I don't grace you with my presence, to your great disfortune, it's up to the
Hare of the Day to finger another scribe. And another thing!!! I writes them as
I sees them, so it's basically my point of view, plus my comments on Phart, but
feel free to advise me of events that happened outside my purview, so I can
quote ye. And another thing!!! If you feel pissed because you think I shit on
you in these anals just remember:A - You don't understand what I'm saying
B - You deserve to be insulted; or
C - You don't even know you're being insulted
And another thing!!! If I'm expected to take notes, then I
can't get totally pissed, and what kind of hash is that? A very heavy burden on
my weary shoulders, I'd say! Had I been there I might have declined the job.
The End.
That’s it for now folks! I’m off for my real job now;
a blow-job I would hope. Why are we waiting......Why oh why.......oh my.....
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