Hyena’s Thank God for Hashing Run

October 14, 2002

Finally after a lengthy absence brought about by mental illness due to my association with a certain running group I have returned to bring you the Hash Trash. While I still struggle with the odd bout of sanity, I find that complete craziness lends itself perfectly to the task at hand.

The run began as usual in the A(ssholes) and P(ricks) parking lot in Dundas. It was a beautiful Thanksgiving Day and all the losers who had no where else to go were in attendance including yours truly.

The hare gave his little chalk talk full of optimism by unrealistically requiring us to actually think at certain points during the run. He had for some reason forgotten entirely that he was dealing with a bunch of half-wits and had marked certain areas as "contemplation stops". These were indicated by the letters CNTS (all that was missing to make that word complete was you) at which we were supposed to stop and ponder the significance of said place and come up with a message to share with our running brethren. My brain was hurting just from the explanation. Luckily there was lots of beer to numb the pain.

Always one to get into the spirit of things I will share with you my thoughts. Keep in mind it was a very moving experience and open to personal interpretation and these are only one harriette’s feeble- minded musings on the matter.

The first stop was apparently a fire station...(Thank God for firemen and their big hoses. God Bless them every one. ) Later a church...(Please God when do we get to the beer stop. Let it be cold and plentiful.)

Next.... A sculpture of a child at it’s mother’s breast...(This run sucks.)...Things became a little fuzzy after that and all I can remember is that the last one was some kind of drainage ditch that looked like a big dick. (Lord knows the hash is full of those.)

We had a beer stop at the Thirsty Cactus (a perfect place for all us pricks). This hash was truly a celebration of bounty and abundance for there was actually extra beer. In the spirit of the season a few of us offered to stay behind to finish it so as not to waste and as so often happens certain friendships based on mutual love of alcohol were formed. For example, Copulate was heard to proclaim to all that he was going to be helping Bum Steer "take his mast down" ...isn’t it cute how people are always coming up with new expressions for that sort of thing.

The gang moved on down the road to the good doctor’s place for the usual nonsense. Down downs went something like this:

Hyena: (the live hare) for making us think
Two Jugs: for eating during the circle
Roadkill: for asking permission to attend another hash
Black Widow: (I can’t really remember and my notes don’t make sense)
Hyena again: for giving us a full harvest moon
Dr. Feelgood: for backsliding (I thought you had to actually hash first before you can backslide but no one cares what I think)

As usual Hyena put in a good word for his generous and hospitable host by telling us all that Dr. Feelgood was not only a real doctor but handsome and single and we all decided he would be perfect for Golden Showers. It was at this point the Doctor threw us all off the property and we had no choice but to go back to the Thirsty Cactus for food and more beer. And I just want to add the food was fantastic, made all the tastier by the fact that in a huge show of generosity (or insanity or something) Hyena sprang for the whole tab for which we were all truly thankful.