The Useless McKellar Weekend Hash September 12 & 13, 1998

At the risk of being repetitive, once again it took your intrepid reporter a long time to come (to the hash site), Phart having decided that he first of all was going to run some ridiculous long distance in the morning and then plonking hisself on the passenger seat, and after imbibing a fair amount of bottled heaven, necessitating stops every half hour to relieve him. But it must be said that all roads leading up north are being nicely rebuilt by Big Mike, so there was some chance of making up time, in particular since cars in front decided to ride the shoulder rather than incur the wrath of yours truly by holding her back. One pissing phart is wrath-provoking enough, I'd say! And thus we arrived at destination Kamp Kodiak, buzzing with kids in summer, but now almost devoid of folks, including hashers. Since hash departure was imminent, there was no time to set up camp in Kamp Kodiak, but ET having decided that camping was for the criminally insane based on her above mentioned experience, she decided to take over a bunkhouse, having all the comforts of home, except TV, but including a camp counsellor with paedophile intentions. Well off we went on a fairly useless hash, along a swimming hole and through bush, and finding several fresh moose prints. Beatle proclaimed she heard him mooing in the woods, but with that name you'll always hear music. After testing out the electric horse fence, and an hour's long plodding up and down paths and through brambles, a general dive in the lake took place. Well, enough of that, let's get to the real liquids, but again no chalice, see above. So Commode disguised-as-Indian, thereby no doubt violating the local native population although the term drunk as an Indian comes to mind, improvised down-downs in a cup, and some name-calling took place, including Tony - Two Jugs - and Lucy - Beatle, Marcy's moniker not being remembered. Well off it was to Useless Sibling's summer site, where hamburgs were for the having, Two-Jugs showing dexterity with a cucumber, and Marcy very handy with a corn cob. There being ten hashers and orders having been taken for forty, there was a slight overabundance of patties, but it suited the wine supply just fine. On on to a campfire out on the lake, and a most fabulous starry sky. Mau-mau's and the bottle(s) being passed around, everyone soon swooned away in a swell mood. A search for hash campfire songs was undertaken, but these hashers were definitely not Pavarotti's cousin, and ended up listening to extraterrestrial sounds and even that finally finished, so off it was to respective lairs. Well another morning and happy to wake up again, except for those who slept in tents and enjoyed Two-Jugs snoring and the hooting of an owl. Beatle claiming allergies, it was suspected that pre-19th birthday celebrations caused the misery; a poor excuse for not going on a morning hash. A tour of the area showed numerous acrobatic equipment but none felt challenged enough to try them but we did see a woodpecker. So here we have another hash in the woods, this time counter clock wise, and even slower than before. After a lunch of residual patties, it was off on our various ways, descending on the overpopulated and polluted south, except Phart who went north. And now a word to those of you who did NOT attend: Kamp Kodiak was a great location, with enough room to accommodate the Canada-wide Hash Convention - Oh! All those bunk beds!! So you missed a great time, but which hopefully will be repeated, so that Useless can redeem last year's veggie burgers! Thanks Useless! You did NOT do your name proud!! On-On!